{ Thursday, December 29, 2011 }
I'm feeling kinda bubbly and happy today. Like, my normal self while my boyfriend is home. We got to talk on the phone today for quite awhile since he had the day off. And I was feeling kinda giddy when I woke up this morning. I'm not really sure why. I just know that I'm happy.

And talking to him made my day SO much better!!!

It makes me kinda sad for a little bit after we hang up because it makes me wish he was on the couch next me and we could continue talking all night like we used to. But mostly, hearing from him makes me really happy.

The best part about us is that we totally get each other. And we laugh. A lot. Those are the things I love about our relationship. And, yea, us being apart is totally depressing. But the fact that we can get on the phone and crack jokes and talk about our silly friends who are getting married like we're not half a world apart is amazing.

As for the me waking up giddy thing? I have no clue. I got the most sleep I've gotten in awhile since I've been sick. That probably had something to do with it. But who knows?

I'm glad I'm beginning to feel normal again. Kinda. I mean I feel sorta empty because my other half is away. But seriously, I'm not such a whack job anymore.

That being said, I'm going to be a total loser on New Year's and do nothing but enjoy my own damn company. I know I sound like an old bitty. But my choices are hang out with all my couple friends who just got engaged, or go out to a club. Yea. Passing on both. One of the girls from work...her fiance is working New Year's Eve so we were thinking about popping open a bottle of wine and having girl time. But, I'll be happy curling under a blanket and watching Night At The Roxbury (one of our favorites!) all by myself.

College, Christmas, and Weddings...

{ Tuesday, December 27, 2011 }
So, I haven't really been blogging much. Things got super crazy and busy for me lately.

I sent out his first care package last week. I finally sent him his new camera, as well as drink mixes and lots of beef jerky and other snacky stuff. And I'm currently working on his second care package. I'll probably make a post dedicated to it when I send it out.

I FINALLY graduated college! It was incredible and I had so much fun. My best friend Heather (who lives an hour away) came out. I felt terrible for her since she's four months pregnant and had to sit through a three hour ceremony with my family. But she was happy to be my make-shift boyfriend for the day.

My Christmas was great. For the most part. I was incredibly sick but I suffered through it so I could spend time with my family. My sister, who is incredibly liberal, went off on a tangent about how pointless the war is and how America is a big bully, etc. Which totally hurt my feelings. But people are entitled to their opinion. I'd just rather hear that what he's doing is a good thing, not a bad one
But on a good note, my boyfriend and I skyped on Christmas which completely made my day. :)

Another thing to add. My boyfriend's brother got married. His brother is currently finishing his AIT and they needed to get married for the housing, etc, etc. They had a ceremony at his new wife's sister's house. She looked great and I was super happy for them. Of course, it was "You'll be next, you guys are next" Blah Blah Blah. Okay, I kinda liked it. But it got old after the seventh person said it.

On top of that. I had four friends get engaged over Christmas. FOUR. I'm pretty salty about it because I feel like my boyfriend and I are in relationship limbo...We're stuck in one place until he comes home. And while all my friends are moving forward in their relationships with marriages and babies... I'm stuck home alone, waiting. (Side note: Two of these couples promised me it would be years before they actually got married...which made it a little less annoying.)

My boyfriend is great however. When we talked yesterday he tried his best to make me feel better and told me I had no reason to be jealous or upset because we're so much better together than those couples. (No offense.) And then he sent me a link to a house he really liked. Which helped.

Because even though we're apart, we can still plan our future lives together.

I know for a fact, my boyfriend and I will be together for the rest of our lives. And comparing our relationship with someone else's is just silly. We're different. Not just because we're military, but because we are so in love. We fit.

And I wish my friends the best, but I can't vouch for their relationship as much as I can vouch for my own.  

Things NOT To Say To A Military Spouse...

{ Tuesday, December 20, 2011 }
Okay, so I'm currently waiting to be picked up for my boyfriend's brother's wedding. Which totally blows because I know everyone is going to be asking me how he's doing, what he's up to, when the last time we talked was. Blah blah blah. I'm trying to ready myself for the fake smile and the two word answers I'm about to give out. But seriously...

My boyfriend was home for four days in November, but technically he's been gone for two months. I'm beyondddddd sick of listening to people. I found this online and I loved it because it's so true. On top of that I'm adding my own comments and stuff (in bold) because there is stuff I'm sick of hearing too.

1. “Aren’t you afraid that he’ll be killed?”

(This one ranks in at number one on the “duh” list. Of course we’re afraid. We’re terrified. The thought always lingers at the backs of our minds —but thanks brilliant, you just brought it back to the front. Maybe next you can go ask someone with cancer if they’re scared of dying.) My grandma asked if I was scared. No grandma...it's a walk in the park.

2. “I don’t know how you manage. I don’t think I could do it.”
(This is intended to be a compliment. Though, its just a little annoying. Here’s why: it’s not like all of us military wives have been dreaming since childhood of the day we’d get to be anxious single moms who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the shower. We’re not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable, we just got asked to take on a challenging job. So we rose to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices.) Telling me I'm so strong for what I'm doing doesn't make me feel strong.

3. “At least he’s not in Iraq.”
(This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose husbands are in Afghanistan. What do they think is happening in Afghanistan? An international game of golf?) Yea, Iraq is over. Kinda.

4. “Do you think he’ll get to come home for Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of a child/wedding/family reunion, etc?”
(Don’t you watch the news? No! They don’t get to come home for any of these things. Please don’t ask again.) I HATE this one. Everyone is like "Will he be home for Christmas?" I don't know he JUST went over...so yea, they are sooo spending one week working then turning around and coming back.

5. “What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he’s gone?”
(Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there’s a military wife out there who gets bored when her husband leaves. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don’t get bored, and drinking massive amounts of wine always helps keep me busy.) Cry in bed everyday. That takes up plenty of time.

6. “How much longer does he have until he can get out?”
(This one is annoying to many of us whether our husbands are deployed or not. Many of our husbands aren’t counting down the days until they “can” get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and AGAIN to go back to Iraq b/c there is work that needs to be done.) His contract is up after he gets home. But neither of us knows if he's re-enlisting. So STOP ASKING.

7. “This deployment shouldn’t be so bad, now that you’re used to it.”
(We do learn coping skills. We figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But it never gets “easy” and the bullets and bombs don’t skip over our guys just because they’ve been there before. The worry never goes away.)

8. “My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you’re going through.”
(This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband’s three week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/etc. with a 6-15 month or more deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, and he flew comfortably on a commercial plane. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a bit for it. Comparing a 12 month combat deployment to a few weeks business trip is like comparing a crappy Hyundai Excel with a Mercedes convertible.) Yea this one is bad too. I had a girl tell me the other day her husband was in Kuwait...until I found out he's not in the military and he was there for a week for work. Still...A WEEK.

9. “Wow you must miss him?”
(This one also gets antoher big “duh”. Of course we miss our men. There are some wives who do not and they’re now divorced.) Nope, I actually like having him 7000 miles away.

10. “Where is he exactly? Where is that?”(I don’t expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province on a map, but they should know by now that it’s in Iraq. Likewise, know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Know that Muqtada al Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi Army in Iraq and that Sadr City is his home area. Know that Iran is a major threat to our country and that it is located between Afghanistan and Iraq. Our country has been at war in Afghanistan for seven years and at war in Iraq for five years. These basic facts are not secrets, they’re on the news every night and in the papers every day —and on maps everywhere.) I get this one alot. But even the army people have no idea because my boyfriend happens to be on an airbase. So, even if you may have SOME idea of it over there...you probably have no clue where he's located. And please...why do you care?
11. “Well, he signed up for it, so it’s his own fault whatever happens over there.
(Yes, ignorant, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to make stupid comments like that. He didn’t sign up and ask to be hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way, he asked me to tell you that “You’re welcome.” He’s still fighting for your freedom.) Oh, my boyfriend signed up for the reserves to go to school. Bite me.
12. “Don’t you miss sex! I couldn’t do it!”
(hmmm, no i don’t miss sex. i’m a robot. seriously…military spouses learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something greater than sex. We learn to appreciate the important things, like simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have dinner together every night. And the hard truth is, most relationships probably couldn’t withstand 12 months of sex deprivation.) I've never gotten this one, but if I did I would simply say "It's worth it."

13. “Well in my opinion…..”
(Stop right there. Yo, I didn’t ask for you your personal political opinions. Hey, I love a heated political debate, but not in the grocery store, not in Jamba Juice, not at Nordstrom, not in a bar when I’m out with my girls trying to forget the war, and CERTAINLY NOT AT WORK. We tell co-workers about deployments so when we have to spend lunch hours running our asses off doing errands and taking care of the house, dog, and kids, they have an understanding. We do not tell co-workers and colleagues because we are giving an invitation to ramble about politics or because we so eagerly want to hear how much they hate the President, esp. while we’re trying to heat up our lean cuisines in the crappy office microwaves.) Ugh. I hate when people say this. I don't like talk about politics, I never have. Just tell me you support my man and what he's doing and that's it. I don't care whether you're voting for Obama again next year.

14. “OH, that’s horrible…I’m so sorry!”
(He’s doing his job and he’s a badass. Don’t be sorry. Be appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable American lives to realize that our MARINES/soldiers/airmen/coasties/sailors fight the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad.) I'm not. He's doing a good thing. I'm super proud. I miss him everyday but I couldn't be more happy with what he's doing. And I only told you in the first place because I had to explain why the last email I got made me cry.

My additions to the list:

15. "I though they were pulling everyone out." Seriously? Don't you watch the news?
16. "You must be so proud." No, I'm disgusted...COME ON PEOPLE.
17. "Bet he looks great in uniform huh?" Of course he does, that's why I love him.

My Favorite:

18. "When was the last time you got to talk?"

That one really bugs me because to be honest...talking to him makes me happy and sad at the same time. And if I haven't talked to him in a few days I get really sad...and worried. And reminding me that we haven't talked in three days really bums me out.

Wish me luck tonight.

Life Goes On...

{ Wednesday, December 7, 2011 }
So I guess the second to last post was super depressing and sad and all that junk. I had about an entire weekend of weakness. I was completely struggling with everything and my heart was broken.

But I've picked myself up. I started focusing on his first care package as a way to make myself a little happier. I knew he's been super excited about getting care packages, and he'll be really happy when he gets them. So it made me happy to think about making him happy.

We decided together to get him a camera and SD card and then we would switch SD cards every month or so. Then we could take pictures of ourself doing things and a couple videos and what not. Kinda a once-a-month present to each other. I'm super excited about getting his first SD card back. I have to send him the camera though first...but I'm still working on putting things together. I wanted to have it out on Tuesday, but things fell through the cracks and I'm at square one again. Soooo basically, it'll probably be next week before I get it out to him. So I figured I'm going to send him a letter to tie him over until he gets the care package.

Working on OPERATION: KEEP BUSY...I bought myself a book called "Confessions of a Military Wife" by Mollie Gross. Amazing book. I haven't finished it yet but I haven't been able to put it down. It's hilarious and also has some great tips/stories about life as a military wife. There's so much I can relate to. Also, the jokes and funny stories have picked my mood up from depressed in the last day. I would recommend it to any military wife.

Great Book!

My mom forced me to put my tiny one foot tall Christmas tree up. When I say forced...I mean she made my dad bring it to work and place it on my desk as a "Melissa. You better put this up" notice. It kinda helped my funk also. Looking at the lights makes me smile. I totally thought I was going to hate having it up because it would make me sad that I couldn't share it with my boy...but instead it makes me warm inside. And I took a few pictures to send him, which I hope makes him feel warm too...and not sad he's not here to see it in person.

I'm trying to find my strength here. Taking things one day at a time. I'm sure I'll do it...I'm just trying my best to live my life while he's gone. Which is what you have to do.

Life goes on...

Every Little Bit Helps

{ Tuesday, December 6, 2011 }