My New Haircut

{ Friday, January 27, 2012 }
Got my haircut finally! Knocking things off my list :)

7000 miles apart...But closer everyday...

{ Wednesday, January 18, 2012 }
It's amazing. I think that the distance has officially made us closer together. I think, so far, we're a better couple and are more in love than ever.

I started getting this feeling when I was getting some not-so-obvious hints about engagement rings. Now, my bf is a total goof, but one thing he never jokes about is marriage or kids. He always gets this look on his face like he's about to be sick. The most I've ever really heard him talk about it was him saying it was essential he waited til he was 25 to get married. Mind you, we've been dating since we were 21. We are now 23. It always annoyed me that he said that because 25 is oooold. But either way. He just started bringing up princess cuts and white gold...just dropping it into conversation like it was normal.

But that's not the part that freaks me out. Today, we're talking about plans for when he comes home and somehow we get on this topic about him leaving when we fight. My boyfriend gets angry and leaves. Just leaves. He refuses to yell at me or talk or anything until he's driven around town 100 times or spends the night at a friends. This can be completely without warning, just up from the couch and out the door, when all I did was ask if he paid the cable. This frustrates me a lot too because I'm such a fighter. When I get mad I get mad then and there and I want to deal with it then and there. I hate sitting around with my own thoughts (cause, I don't know, I might realize that I'm WRONG...but that rarely happens...). He just likes to cool down. The worst part about that though is we never talk about stuff. Like by the time he walks back through the door I'm over it and on to the next thing and he ignores it. Which makes us brew up and fight again a few days later.

But today he made a promise. To not do it anymore. That he was being a child running away from his problems and he only wants to make me happy.

I'm completely blown away. I know my boyfriend would change and mature a bit during deployment. I just didn't realize it would be pratically overnight. Part of me was afraid of that because I thought he would become a little TOO mature for me (I mean, I'm currently eating a handful of Nerds and wearing Stewie boxers... I have a lot of growing up to do). But at the moment he seems like he's in a good place. And it seems that being apart from me has made him realize somethings he has done wrong with the relationship.

And the same thing goes for me too. I've realized I react too quickly and sometimes being able to sit and think about something helps sometimes (Patience, you must have patience).

But most importantly, we've realized how important we are to each other. And it's a wonderful feeling.

The Helpful and Help-me!

{ Monday, January 16, 2012 }
I haven't written in a really long time. Like 2 and a half weeks!

It's so crazy right now. I've been going nuts trying to find another job and I haven't had much luck lately. I'm grateful for the full-time job I have now. But I'm beyond ready to start on my career and get my life going.

On top of that, my boyfriend's sister and I have been fighting. Again. It's so useless. I try to be helpful and nice to them (they have 7 kids...I mean they do really need it sometimes). And everytime it's time to return money or hold up her end of a bargain, it's a fight. I don't really want to talk about anyone behind their back, especially Velle's family...but my point is: Why is it that people think everyone must help them out but they can't ever just help themselves?

I have been incredibly independent my entire life. In fact, I can't for the life of me ever remember asking anyone for help. Not even my parents. It annoys me to no end that they lend money to my sister all the time. But in all serious, I won't ever ask them for help. Ever. I just can't ever ask people for help. Mostly because, I find great satisfaction in being able to take of myself.

A great example: My boyfriend and I bought a new TV stand right before he left. The only one they had left was the floor model...which was fine, it was all ready assembled! My boyfriend insisted that we call his sister to use their truck to take it home. I fought with him tooth and nail: it would fit in the backseat. And finally, he agreed. In fact, it did fit. But it took us nearly 20 minutes of fidgeting and pushing to get it OUT of the car. He kept giving me this look like "Told you so", but kept his mouth shut. When we finally got it in the apartment I was incredibly proud that A) our living room was finally coming together and B) we needed no one's help.

My "Independent and Love It" gene had taken over. And to be honest, I look back now and wonder why I didn't just agree to have them come out and load it on the truck for us. (I mean it would have taken them 5 minutes to drive over and saved us the 20 minutes of struggle) But I know deep down this gene of mine just won't let anyone help me ever.
I'm just an independent woman fighting from the home front.

Velle's sister has the opposite gene, the "Help-Me" gene. She is not afraid to ask for help ever. In fact, it's extremely opposite because she even asks things that may be inappropriate/impolite to ask of some people. Velle and I always, always help her when she asks. Money to pay a bill. A ride to work. Etc, etc.

Not to get really into it...I just don't get it. I mean she literally jumped off the edge when I didn't come to her rescue again because I had all ready done so 12 hours earlier.

But here's my other thing...There are families out there on welfare. (Not saying they don't need it, just bare with me) They constantly complain about how their life sucks, they have no money, etc, etc. Now these people have literally been handed a gold mine in my opinion. I had to pay for school completely on my own because my parents made too much money according to the government to qualify for financial aid. But I did just that. I payed my school bills by holding a full time job with no help from my parents...even managed to move out on my own and have a ton of money saved up. People on welfare, in most cases, qualify for free schooling. There are programs out there to help find good paying jobs. Get their GED's. The list goes on and on.... But instead of doing these things and helping themselves, they continue to beg for help from the people around them in the form of taxes/charity. They refuse the help of the aid that will make them better, and accept the help of that which will keep them on their laurels.

A resistance helping you succeed.

Now, I understand every situation is different and some people just can't do those things. But the fact is, the people who can have developed the "Help-Me" gene. They just want everyone else to do their hardwork for them and help them whenever possible. They just can't help themselves...they just can't be independent.

But why is that? I have no idea but it bugs me. I work incredibly hard to take care of myself. I think everyone else should too. And I think people need to stop begging and just help themselves

Either way, I just don't feel the need to help anyone anymore. These people who beg for assistance, don't appreciate it when they get it. They just ask for More. More. More.