{ Thursday, December 29, 2011 }
I'm feeling kinda bubbly and happy today. Like, my normal self while my boyfriend is home. We got to talk on the phone today for quite awhile since he had the day off. And I was feeling kinda giddy when I woke up this morning. I'm not really sure why. I just know that I'm happy.

And talking to him made my day SO much better!!!

It makes me kinda sad for a little bit after we hang up because it makes me wish he was on the couch next me and we could continue talking all night like we used to. But mostly, hearing from him makes me really happy.

The best part about us is that we totally get each other. And we laugh. A lot. Those are the things I love about our relationship. And, yea, us being apart is totally depressing. But the fact that we can get on the phone and crack jokes and talk about our silly friends who are getting married like we're not half a world apart is amazing.

As for the me waking up giddy thing? I have no clue. I got the most sleep I've gotten in awhile since I've been sick. That probably had something to do with it. But who knows?

I'm glad I'm beginning to feel normal again. Kinda. I mean I feel sorta empty because my other half is away. But seriously, I'm not such a whack job anymore.

That being said, I'm going to be a total loser on New Year's and do nothing but enjoy my own damn company. I know I sound like an old bitty. But my choices are hang out with all my couple friends who just got engaged, or go out to a club. Yea. Passing on both. One of the girls from work...her fiance is working New Year's Eve so we were thinking about popping open a bottle of wine and having girl time. But, I'll be happy curling under a blanket and watching Night At The Roxbury (one of our favorites!) all by myself.

College, Christmas, and Weddings...

{ Tuesday, December 27, 2011 }
So, I haven't really been blogging much. Things got super crazy and busy for me lately.

I sent out his first care package last week. I finally sent him his new camera, as well as drink mixes and lots of beef jerky and other snacky stuff. And I'm currently working on his second care package. I'll probably make a post dedicated to it when I send it out.

I FINALLY graduated college! It was incredible and I had so much fun. My best friend Heather (who lives an hour away) came out. I felt terrible for her since she's four months pregnant and had to sit through a three hour ceremony with my family. But she was happy to be my make-shift boyfriend for the day.

My Christmas was great. For the most part. I was incredibly sick but I suffered through it so I could spend time with my family. My sister, who is incredibly liberal, went off on a tangent about how pointless the war is and how America is a big bully, etc. Which totally hurt my feelings. But people are entitled to their opinion. I'd just rather hear that what he's doing is a good thing, not a bad one
But on a good note, my boyfriend and I skyped on Christmas which completely made my day. :)

Another thing to add. My boyfriend's brother got married. His brother is currently finishing his AIT and they needed to get married for the housing, etc, etc. They had a ceremony at his new wife's sister's house. She looked great and I was super happy for them. Of course, it was "You'll be next, you guys are next" Blah Blah Blah. Okay, I kinda liked it. But it got old after the seventh person said it.

On top of that. I had four friends get engaged over Christmas. FOUR. I'm pretty salty about it because I feel like my boyfriend and I are in relationship limbo...We're stuck in one place until he comes home. And while all my friends are moving forward in their relationships with marriages and babies... I'm stuck home alone, waiting. (Side note: Two of these couples promised me it would be years before they actually got married...which made it a little less annoying.)

My boyfriend is great however. When we talked yesterday he tried his best to make me feel better and told me I had no reason to be jealous or upset because we're so much better together than those couples. (No offense.) And then he sent me a link to a house he really liked. Which helped.

Because even though we're apart, we can still plan our future lives together.

I know for a fact, my boyfriend and I will be together for the rest of our lives. And comparing our relationship with someone else's is just silly. We're different. Not just because we're military, but because we are so in love. We fit.

And I wish my friends the best, but I can't vouch for their relationship as much as I can vouch for my own.  

Things NOT To Say To A Military Spouse...

{ Tuesday, December 20, 2011 }
Okay, so I'm currently waiting to be picked up for my boyfriend's brother's wedding. Which totally blows because I know everyone is going to be asking me how he's doing, what he's up to, when the last time we talked was. Blah blah blah. I'm trying to ready myself for the fake smile and the two word answers I'm about to give out. But seriously...

My boyfriend was home for four days in November, but technically he's been gone for two months. I'm beyondddddd sick of listening to people. I found this online and I loved it because it's so true. On top of that I'm adding my own comments and stuff (in bold) because there is stuff I'm sick of hearing too.

1. “Aren’t you afraid that he’ll be killed?”

(This one ranks in at number one on the “duh” list. Of course we’re afraid. We’re terrified. The thought always lingers at the backs of our minds —but thanks brilliant, you just brought it back to the front. Maybe next you can go ask someone with cancer if they’re scared of dying.) My grandma asked if I was scared. No grandma...it's a walk in the park.

2. “I don’t know how you manage. I don’t think I could do it.”
(This is intended to be a compliment. Though, its just a little annoying. Here’s why: it’s not like all of us military wives have been dreaming since childhood of the day we’d get to be anxious single moms who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the shower. We’re not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable, we just got asked to take on a challenging job. So we rose to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices.) Telling me I'm so strong for what I'm doing doesn't make me feel strong.

3. “At least he’s not in Iraq.”
(This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose husbands are in Afghanistan. What do they think is happening in Afghanistan? An international game of golf?) Yea, Iraq is over. Kinda.

4. “Do you think he’ll get to come home for Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of a child/wedding/family reunion, etc?”
(Don’t you watch the news? No! They don’t get to come home for any of these things. Please don’t ask again.) I HATE this one. Everyone is like "Will he be home for Christmas?" I don't know he JUST went over...so yea, they are sooo spending one week working then turning around and coming back.

5. “What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he’s gone?”
(Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there’s a military wife out there who gets bored when her husband leaves. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don’t get bored, and drinking massive amounts of wine always helps keep me busy.) Cry in bed everyday. That takes up plenty of time.

6. “How much longer does he have until he can get out?”
(This one is annoying to many of us whether our husbands are deployed or not. Many of our husbands aren’t counting down the days until they “can” get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and AGAIN to go back to Iraq b/c there is work that needs to be done.) His contract is up after he gets home. But neither of us knows if he's re-enlisting. So STOP ASKING.

7. “This deployment shouldn’t be so bad, now that you’re used to it.”
(We do learn coping skills. We figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But it never gets “easy” and the bullets and bombs don’t skip over our guys just because they’ve been there before. The worry never goes away.)

8. “My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you’re going through.”
(This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband’s three week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/etc. with a 6-15 month or more deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, and he flew comfortably on a commercial plane. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a bit for it. Comparing a 12 month combat deployment to a few weeks business trip is like comparing a crappy Hyundai Excel with a Mercedes convertible.) Yea this one is bad too. I had a girl tell me the other day her husband was in Kuwait...until I found out he's not in the military and he was there for a week for work. Still...A WEEK.

9. “Wow you must miss him?”
(This one also gets antoher big “duh”. Of course we miss our men. There are some wives who do not and they’re now divorced.) Nope, I actually like having him 7000 miles away.

10. “Where is he exactly? Where is that?”(I don’t expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province on a map, but they should know by now that it’s in Iraq. Likewise, know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Know that Muqtada al Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi Army in Iraq and that Sadr City is his home area. Know that Iran is a major threat to our country and that it is located between Afghanistan and Iraq. Our country has been at war in Afghanistan for seven years and at war in Iraq for five years. These basic facts are not secrets, they’re on the news every night and in the papers every day —and on maps everywhere.) I get this one alot. But even the army people have no idea because my boyfriend happens to be on an airbase. So, even if you may have SOME idea of it over there...you probably have no clue where he's located. And please...why do you care?
11. “Well, he signed up for it, so it’s his own fault whatever happens over there.
(Yes, ignorant, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to make stupid comments like that. He didn’t sign up and ask to be hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way, he asked me to tell you that “You’re welcome.” He’s still fighting for your freedom.) Oh, my boyfriend signed up for the reserves to go to school. Bite me.
12. “Don’t you miss sex! I couldn’t do it!”
(hmmm, no i don’t miss sex. i’m a robot. seriously…military spouses learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something greater than sex. We learn to appreciate the important things, like simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have dinner together every night. And the hard truth is, most relationships probably couldn’t withstand 12 months of sex deprivation.) I've never gotten this one, but if I did I would simply say "It's worth it."

13. “Well in my opinion…..”
(Stop right there. Yo, I didn’t ask for you your personal political opinions. Hey, I love a heated political debate, but not in the grocery store, not in Jamba Juice, not at Nordstrom, not in a bar when I’m out with my girls trying to forget the war, and CERTAINLY NOT AT WORK. We tell co-workers about deployments so when we have to spend lunch hours running our asses off doing errands and taking care of the house, dog, and kids, they have an understanding. We do not tell co-workers and colleagues because we are giving an invitation to ramble about politics or because we so eagerly want to hear how much they hate the President, esp. while we’re trying to heat up our lean cuisines in the crappy office microwaves.) Ugh. I hate when people say this. I don't like talk about politics, I never have. Just tell me you support my man and what he's doing and that's it. I don't care whether you're voting for Obama again next year.

14. “OH, that’s horrible…I’m so sorry!”
(He’s doing his job and he’s a badass. Don’t be sorry. Be appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable American lives to realize that our MARINES/soldiers/airmen/coasties/sailors fight the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad.) I'm not. He's doing a good thing. I'm super proud. I miss him everyday but I couldn't be more happy with what he's doing. And I only told you in the first place because I had to explain why the last email I got made me cry.

My additions to the list:

15. "I though they were pulling everyone out." Seriously? Don't you watch the news?
16. "You must be so proud." No, I'm disgusted...COME ON PEOPLE.
17. "Bet he looks great in uniform huh?" Of course he does, that's why I love him.

My Favorite:

18. "When was the last time you got to talk?"

That one really bugs me because to be honest...talking to him makes me happy and sad at the same time. And if I haven't talked to him in a few days I get really sad...and worried. And reminding me that we haven't talked in three days really bums me out.

Wish me luck tonight.

Life Goes On...

{ Wednesday, December 7, 2011 }
So I guess the second to last post was super depressing and sad and all that junk. I had about an entire weekend of weakness. I was completely struggling with everything and my heart was broken.

But I've picked myself up. I started focusing on his first care package as a way to make myself a little happier. I knew he's been super excited about getting care packages, and he'll be really happy when he gets them. So it made me happy to think about making him happy.

We decided together to get him a camera and SD card and then we would switch SD cards every month or so. Then we could take pictures of ourself doing things and a couple videos and what not. Kinda a once-a-month present to each other. I'm super excited about getting his first SD card back. I have to send him the camera though first...but I'm still working on putting things together. I wanted to have it out on Tuesday, but things fell through the cracks and I'm at square one again. Soooo basically, it'll probably be next week before I get it out to him. So I figured I'm going to send him a letter to tie him over until he gets the care package.

Working on OPERATION: KEEP BUSY...I bought myself a book called "Confessions of a Military Wife" by Mollie Gross. Amazing book. I haven't finished it yet but I haven't been able to put it down. It's hilarious and also has some great tips/stories about life as a military wife. There's so much I can relate to. Also, the jokes and funny stories have picked my mood up from depressed in the last day. I would recommend it to any military wife.

Great Book!

My mom forced me to put my tiny one foot tall Christmas tree up. When I say forced...I mean she made my dad bring it to work and place it on my desk as a "Melissa. You better put this up" notice. It kinda helped my funk also. Looking at the lights makes me smile. I totally thought I was going to hate having it up because it would make me sad that I couldn't share it with my boy...but instead it makes me warm inside. And I took a few pictures to send him, which I hope makes him feel warm too...and not sad he's not here to see it in person.

I'm trying to find my strength here. Taking things one day at a time. I'm sure I'll do it...I'm just trying my best to live my life while he's gone. Which is what you have to do.

Life goes on...

Every Little Bit Helps

{ Tuesday, December 6, 2011 }

Bye Again, Soldier

{ Sunday, November 27, 2011 }
He left yesterday.

We had a wonderful leave together. I stayed positive the whole time and completely ignored the fact that he was leaving again. Well, except on Thanksgiving. ALL my parents wanted to talk about was what he would be doing over there, how long he'd be there, when he was leaving. Stuff I didn't want to talk about or hear. I teared up a little bit when my mom gave him a huge hug and said "Be Safe."

But yesterday morning, I woke up in tears. He packed up his stuff and I kept sneaking away to cry. He said, "Don't do that. Nine months will fly by."

"I hate when people say that. All everyone says is time will fly by. 'It'll be over before you know it.' They have no idea how the last month and a half has seemed like forever to me." He just squeezed my hand.

He flew out of Columbus, so we had to drive 2 hours. In the car I started crying again. "Cheer up, baby."

"I don't know how you expect me to do that."

"I know. I'm not happy either."

We listened to Andy Samberg on his new Zune. Which did cheer me up a bit. We laughed. Held hands and smiled at each other a lot. But mostly we were quiet. At the airport, quick like a bandaid. Hug. Kiss. Bye... Again...

My ride home was awful. I tried to listen to upbeat music but every once in awhile my iPod played an evil trick by playing a heartbreaking song.

I felt bad. I had plans with my sister who was only home for a few days. But I texted her when I got home. I felt too depressed and sick to my stomach to go anywhere. I spent last night under the blanket, watching Friends to cheer myself up. Everytime I layed down in bed I started crying. It was so empty. So lonely. Up to the couch again to watch some more Friends. I didn't actually fall asleep til very early this morning.

This is just so much more rough than it was before. When he left the first time, I knew he was going to Mississippi for awhile. That we would talk a lot. Which we did. But now it's different. It's so much more real now that he's going. He actually goes overseas in about a week. And this week they are in field training. Which pretty much means no communication until he's over there. Possibly one call before he goes. But I don't know for sure. And it's killing me.

I'm so depressed. I feel like someone punched me in the stomach and I can't seem to catch my breath. I'm so incredibly proud of my soldier. I tell everyone how wonderful he is. But I'm angry and I feel hopeless. It's definately real now. I definately can't fight it anymore and pretend it's not happening. And now I'm falling...and it's so scary.

Nothing going on in school until finals in two weeks. So, I've been researching more ways to keep myself busy. I'm thinking about keeping a Gratitude journal. It seems like a good idea. I feel like if I had one of those to read now I wouldn't feel so lost. I'm also thinking about starting on his first care package. That should keep me busy for awhile.

They are still trying to decide if they will be getting an R&R or not. Nine months is a short deployment, so the thinking is they might not get one. But I hope we find out soon. It will give me something to look forward to and count down to... closer than September. I just can't wait until he's home. I just keep dreaming about a "V-J Day in Times Square" moment.

Pure Excitement

{ Sunday, November 20, 2011 }
So my boy will be home on Tuesday for his leave... I'm going nuts. I've been trying to stay extra busy this weekend so I don't just sit around all antsy. Use my extra energy in productive ways. So I made some progress on OPERATION: KEEP BUSY. But first, I got my boyfriend's Christmas present together. He goes overseas on the 5th, so when I finally get an address and send it over it won't make it in time. So instead I'm giving him his gift while he's home.

First I bought him a Zune mp3 player. His 100000000 year old iPod finally died...about two days after he got to Mississippi. He had told me he wanted a Zune instead since it's cheaper to put music on. I got him a 16 GB one with a 30 hour battery life. Should be great for him with the long plane ride over.

I got him a OSU blanket to keep him warm. That he won't get until Thanksgiving Day since my sister is bringing it home with her (she's goes to OSU and works at the Buckeye Corner...so I got a great deal!) It's super warm and soft I guess. So he'll definately make some good use of it.


My favorite part. I also got him a small picture frame with a picture of us in it: the same picture we have in our living room. Us at a Cavs game, his Christmas present from 2 year ago. It's nothing special, plastic so it won't break. And I put a little note in the back as a reminder that I will always love him.

Aren't we cute?

So Friday I went and saw Breaking Dawn with my mom. Scratch one movie off the list of 20. I'm totally obsessed with the books and can't help but love the movies (except Twilight...we have a love-hate relationship). Of course, I loved it. But there was the scene (spoiler alert) with the wolves that bugged me. I felt like I was watching a kid movie with them talking to each other. But, it happened in the books and I guess they tried their best to stay as close to the book as possible.

Next thing I worked on knocking off my list was decorating the apartment. I got some frames for some pictures of us and friends. And I've had these ones for the bathroom for about...I don't know...forever. And I put them up also. I have some art and stuff I want to hang too. And some curtains, but I never got around to it with all the homework and cleaning I had to do also. But I'm proud of my work of art in the bathroom.

Anyway, kept busy. Now I just have to make it through tomorrow and part of  Tuesday. They'll be the slowest days of my life...so far anyway.

So toodles Blogger! I'll see you at the end of the week.

A Chance To Know Me Better...

{ Wednesday, November 16, 2011 }
I swear I am the biggest nerd in the world/bored out of my mind.
All About Yourself:

First name: Melissa
Middle name: Grace
Like your name? Yes I've always liked it.
Named after anyone? Melissa - An Allman Brother's song Grace - My Great Grandmother's name.
Any nicknames? Mel, Melly, and my boyfriend calls me Sweetness :-)
Age: 23
Birthdate: August 12, 1988
Birthplace: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
Time you were born: Like afternoon-ish
Current location: My apartment on the couch
Height: 5'7''
Like your height? Yes I love being tall.
Eye color: Blue
Contacts/glasses? I wear glasses to read.
Hair color: Strawberry blonde.
Natural hair color: Strawberry blonde
Dye your hair often? Never have. Never will.
Righty or lefty? Righty...but I shoot, golf, bat left handed.

Your Favorite:

Type of music: I like all music. I haven't found anything I don't like yet!
Band or singer: That's a hard one.
TV show: Friends has always been my favorite and probably still is even though it's not on the air anymore.
Movie: Liar Liar, Talladega Nights, Dirty Dancing
TV channel: TLC, Disney, Adult Swim
Radio station: Pandora? haha.
Place to be: With my boy, where ever that may be.
Thing to do: Relax with a glass of wine whether alone or with friends.
Food: My mom's mac & cheese
Non alcoholic drink: Dr. Pepper...totally addicted.
Alcoholic drink: A nice blush or a bottle of Bud light.
Animal: Dog
Holiday: Christmas
Season: Summer!
Sport: Ice Hockey or Football
Place to shop: Express
Clothing brand: Express or Victoria Secret
Scent: My boyfriend's cologne.
Restaurant: Red Robin or Applebee's
Fruit: Orange
Vegetable: Tomato
Fast food restaurant: Arby's
Pizza topping: Pepperoni
Ice cream flavor: Cookie Dough
Magazine: Cosmo
City: Toronto
Color: Blue
Number: 18
This Or That?

Chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate
Pepsi or coke?  Coke
Hot or cold? Hot
Black or white? Black
Dog or cat? Dog
French toast or pancakes? French toast
French fries or onion rings? French fries
Hamburger or hot dog? Hamburger
Pepperoni or sausage? Pepperoni
McDonalds or Burger King? McDonalds
Canada or Mexico? I was born in Canada, but Mexico is fun...so both
Movies or TV? Movies
Truth or dare? Dare!

Do You?

Shower daily? At least every other day
Sing in the shower? Yes
Like to sing? Yes
Like to dance? Yes
Smoke? Yes
Drink? Yes
Cuss? Like a sailor
Talk to yourself? When I'm angry or stressed
Believe in yourself? Yes
Play an instrument? Little piane, little guitar
Go to school? For only 3 more weeks!
Go to college? Yes...I can't believe I'm almost done!
Have a job? Yes
Like your job? Some days
Want to get married? YES :-)
Want to have kids? Yes
Get along with your parents? Yes
Get along with your siblings? Yes


Do you think you're trustworthy? Trust is very important to me
Think your funny? I'm hysterical
Ever toilet papered someones house? Nope
Gone garbage can tipping? Does backing your car into a garbage can count?
What are your parents names? Rick & Sue
Siblings names? Jessica...The other Allman Brother's song
Do you wash your hands frequently? Constantly washing my hands...
Collect anything? Shoes
Ever been in love? Yes :-)
In love right now? YES :-)
What color pants are you wearing right now? Yellow shorts
How does your hair look? Ponytail
Ever had your heartbroken? Yes, unfortunately.
Ever broken the law? Speeding haha
Been arrested? Nope
Been out of the country?: I was born out of the country!
When was the last time you got drunk? Ages ago
Do you do drugs? Noooooo
Would you ever get plastic surgery? No. I'm perfect :-)
Do you prefer boxers or briefs? Both can be sexy haha
Do you like to laugh? It's the best medicin
Have you ever caught a fish? Yes I have!
What was the last thing you ate? Starburst
What time do you go to bed? 11 usually
Do you like to give or recieve? Give
Do you live alone? At the moment yea since boyfriend's away
Do you own a toaster? As random as this is...we don't have one. We don't have the counter space!
Do you like the snow? Yes when I'm not driving in it.
Do you like surprises? I love them :-)

Some Religion Talk...I Guess

{ Monday, November 14, 2011 }
Disclaimer: I may offend some people with this post. I'm just expressing my opinion about everything and I'm sorry ahead of time. I do NOT want to offend anyone or make anyone upset. Just a little rant and rave I have to get off my chest.

Me, Uncle Andrew, Aunt Hanan, and my sister Jessica on their wedding day
 So I just was watching All American Muslim on TLC. And this episode was about an Irish Catholic man marrying a Muslim woman. I felt a deep connection to this episode because a few years ago my uncle  Andrew married the love of his life, Hanan, a Muslim. The wedding on television was very much like my aunt and uncle's wedding with the belly dancing, etc. (It should be noted that my family is Irish Protestant, not Catholic and there are many differences between the two...however, there are, of course, similarities.)

Anyway, the man in this episode decided to convert to Islam in order to get married. This was funny to me. My uncle never converted. In fact, my aunt and my uncle are not very religious. Both extended families aren't very religious either (Hanan's sister is a model for goodness sake). There were of course, members of Hanan's family that were offended by their marriage but had made their peace with it. They didn't get married in a church for either religion, but a hotel.

As I watched the episode the parents were having fits about the conversion. The woman's family were obsessed with the idea that he HAD to convert to marry their daughter and the man's family was very depressed that he had chose to convert.

The sister of the bride asked the mother "What would you say if I told you I wanted to be a nun?" The mother answered, "I would be very depressed if you chose to convert."

Now someone please explain this to me.

I don't have children, but I know all parents want their children to live a certain way. They have expectations and dreams for their child. But isn't their happiness the most important? The mother of the groom said she wanted her son to be happy but was crying over him converting and she chose not to be there when he converted.

Like I said, my family isn't very religious. I was baptized as a baby, but other than that it wasn't expected for us to attend church or take Sunday School or anything like that. My parents also made it absolutely clear that whatever we believed in was our choice to make.

Who you pray to should be your choice.

So, why all the hub-ba-lub over your child converting? I can't imagine someone changing what he believes over night, that's kinda funny to me. But shouldn't you respect your child's beliefs? Shouldn't you respect the fact that your child is making a lifestyle choice for themselves and, in theory, no one else. I mean, after all, don't we all raise our children to be independent and to make their own choices?

If I had grown up in a religious household, I probably would have given up on my faith a long time ago. I have some cobwebs in my hypothetical closet that everyday made me question if there really was "a higher being". Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. To be honest, that is not at all what GOD should be about. I would think if there was a "God" he would have some control over the fact that his priests molest children everyday. I mean they do it IN churches. Wouldn't God be like, "Ohh hell to the no!" and flick their awful little heads off?

Monty Python... God's hand: FLICK!

I don't know. I don't understand faith either. I don't know how people explain these awful things that happen to innocent people and still love their god unconditionally. It's a complete fascination of mine.

Do not get me wrong. I will be the most understanding of anyone and what they believe. That was just my opinion. I will never judge anyone for being Jewish, Catholic, or Muslim. (I don't judge anyone period, I mean, my boyfriend is African-American and I wouldn't love him any more if he was white.) I respect everyone and their beliefs and what makes them happy. Which is why I find it so hard for a parent to not do so with their own child.

I just hope that one day people would be much more understanding of each other. I hope that one day, war won't break out over religion. I hope that one day the world will just be a better place to live in period.

That's my religion, I guess. Hoping for a better world and doing my part in making it so.


{ Thursday, November 10, 2011 }
Boyfriend is coming home for Thanksgiving for FOUR WHOLE DAYS! I'm beyond excited. It's a little leave before he goes overseas. I'm incredibly happy it will be over Thanksgiving. He'll fly home on the Tuesday before and have to go back on Saturday. I had to take a vacation day to have Wednesday off (I can't take Friday off, that's Christmas decorating day...I'm sort of like in charge of it or whatever...) but it's TOTALLY worth spending two whole days just us.

So 12 days until I see him!

Then you know however long it's going to be until R&R. (There's some talk they might not get one since they'll only be overseas for 9 months...I hope not) Four days is better than nothing.

And I'm super excited. :-)

The flowers fully bloomed

It's Been Awhile...

{ Saturday, November 5, 2011 }
Oh Jeez! It's been a week and a half since my last post! Life has just been pretty crazyyyy.

Well lets see. Halloween weekend I went with some friends to the House of Blues downtown. It was a pretty crazy Halloween party going on. And we got in for free since my one friend from work used to work there. They were staying in a hotel...and Velle was very uncormfortable with that. Which I totally get. So I went there beforehand and got some pictures. I couldn't really drink because I had to drive home. But I still had fun (Ohhh yea To Do List!)   Some pictures...

Me and Kayla :)


So then Sunday night I went with my best friend and her daughter (my gorgeous god daughter) trick-or-treating.

The most gorgeous 3 year old on planet Earth.


Then Monday was Halloween. And of course that meant dressing up at work. The theme was movie characters. And everyone went all out. We have a costume contest...first place got $100. I didn't win but the people who won did a really good job. (Plus I won last year so I don't think they would have picked me anyway)

We were Jay and Silent Bob :)

My friend Mary Beth as Ace Ventura.

Monday was also The End Of The Month. Which equals death at work. We pretty much have to get all our work done for the month on the last day. The sales people try to wrap up their deals so it ends up on their commission check for the month. It's just pure CRAZINESS. So I was at work until 8 pm... dressed like a dude.

Then the whole week just sort of blew by. It felt like I looked up and it was Friday.

What's been nice is that my boyfriend and I have been talking a lot this past week. We've talked about our plans, our fears, our relationship. Everything. I feel like everything that was left unsaid before he left is being said now. Mostly because he's probably more comfortable saying things over the phone than in person. But either way.

And I can tell that he sees just how much he misses me and therefore loves me.

Example. The flowers I got yesterday "Just because I miss you" (Note: He signed the card SPC Gray. I think he needs a break from the base haha)

I can't wait until the buds bloom. They're lillies. It's all ready looking nice today. But I'll post a picture once everything is fully bloomed.

It was the sweetest thing in the world though. It just makes me realize how lucky I am. My boyfriend is hundred of miles away from me and he still treats me like his queen. He can't do it in person, but he can surely do it far away in a different way.

How did I become the luckiest girl in the world?

That being said. I had a very rough day today. He found out his mission yesterday and he told me he's nervous. Which completely broke my heart. If he's nervous...I should be too. I want so badly for him to just stay on base 24/7. But of course I'm kidding myself. But he's been completely reassuring and wonderful to me, so I'm going to do the same for him.

But life's been good. I miss him more everyday and even though I have rough days, I'm doing it and super proud of myself for it too.

Good News!

{ Tuesday, October 25, 2011 }
So I got some good news today. My boyfriend will be getting a four day leave before he actually goes overseas. He's mobilizing in Mississippi right now and they let him know that he won't actually be going overseas until January. But that pretty much means he'll only be over there for nine months. Less time for me to sit around worrying right? I'm excited. Not really sure when it will be but I'm pretty excited about it. There are certain times like my graduation and Christmas or New Years but either way I'll be happy to have him home for a little while before he's gone.

He's biggest concern: giving me small pox. He had to get the shot and his arm is totally gross right now I guess, but there was some talk about some other guy who was told he couldn't be around his 4 month old daughter after getting the shot to keep her safe from getting it. Pretty messed up I think. I hope I'm going to be okay. haha.

I'm excited and happy right now. Helps to deal with pain of having him gone when you have seeing him again to look forward to.

Wow Here Comes the Stress

{ Saturday, October 22, 2011 }
So it's the second half of the semester...I found out I am for sure graduating in December. Tickets go on sale on the first. It's bittersweet since my boy can't be there. But I'm happy I'm finally done with school. But first...

10 page term paper.

My first draft is due on Tuesday. I have exactly one page written. It has to be at least 6 pages. I happen to pride myself that I do my best work under pressure. But jeez la peez midterms came and went. It completely took me by surprise.

Not to mention. Velle needs tires. $400 of tires. He said he's sending me the money but that has to wait until the first since that's when he gets paid. But guess that doesn't matter at this point because ohhh, his car won't start.

I totally hopped in it to run to the corner store and it won't even click when I turn the key. Since I grew up around cars I know it's one of two things. Dead battery or flooded engine. But when I called him to let him know, he goes "What do you want me to do? I'm 500 miles away."

Okay Smartie McFarty. I understand that. But he trusted me with his car and it's been a week and it's all ready sitting like a bump on a log in parking lot. I just thought he should know. He told me he'd call Unc to see if it needs spark plugs tomorrow. But that's about all he can do right.

I'm just a little overwhelmed right now. Running a household by yourself. Taking care of two cars. Doing homework. And trying to remember to eat once in awhile. I'm kinda glad I don't have kids running around because I'd be losing my mind right now. I have a lot of respect for the spouses/significant others who do have children. Surely makes it rough.

I got everything but the baby on the breast!

Like I said, I do my best work under pressure. So the pile of stuff piling on me is only going to make things a little hard, because I can do it and do it well. On top of that it helps with that whole OPERATION: KEEP BUSY I've had planned.

But still...times like these make me miss my boyfriend. I really could use a hug.

The Beginning of the End.

{ Friday, October 21, 2011 }
Obama annouced today he's bringing home the troops in Iraq.

Check out the link. All you lucky bastards who get to see your significant others early...I'm so happy for you. And extremely jealous.

My boss said to me today "How happy are you, your boyfriend is coming home!!" I nearly did cartwheels in the showroom. "He was going to Iraq right?" Ooooo, back to sad again.

But I'm happy because I know there are families out there that are extremely excited today. That are doing cartwheels at work. That are making the preparations needed to see their soldiers home. And if their lucky enough...have them home way earlier than expected.

I'm also happy because there is a light at the end of the tunnel. For whatever reason, I had some idea in my brain that these wars would last forever. That my boyfriend would deploy more than once. And that if I'm lucky to have him home the first time, I don't know how lucky I'll be a second. But now, I can see that our President and our leaders really do care to see them home. And they are making an effort to do their best with what they got, and the situation as a whole. They really want our soldiers safe and I feel a lot more comfortable about my boyfriend going over there now.

I still have a year til I see him next (excluding R&R of course) but at least I can sincerely hope that he'll never have to go back there ever again.

Oh, and another thing. I made it my first week! Eeeehh! Only 51 more to go. (Makes it doesn't seem that long right?)

My Deployment To Do List

{ Friday, October 14, 2011 }
So, he's gone. Gone. Gone. Gone.

I put him on that plane, cried the whole way home, curled up in bed, took a big whiff of his smell on his pillow and got up. I've been on the verge of tears since, but I decided to start OPERATION: KEEP BUSY.

That's what I keep hearing. "Keep busy. It'll go by fast." Yea but when you're at Day 0...Day 365 seems like forever away. So I can't help but be negative here and say it's going too slow. Go by fast all ready. But what the hell right? I was all ready planning on keeping busy to keep myself from spending all day dreaming about what he's doing and feeling sorry for myself.

So, tonight Phase 1 of OPERATION: KEEP BUSY went into action. Writing my Deployment To Do list. Here we go.


1) Keeping up with this blog. Therapeutic and a time consumer.

2) Cut my hair. Velle loves it long. I want to cut it so bad. So, I'm doing it while he's gone so he'll never miss it.

My long, red hair.

3) Learn to cook. Cooking books and experimentation here I come!

4) Quit smoking. This one is Velle's goal while he's overseas. So, I'm going to too!

5) Decorate the apartment. We moved here only just in June...I've never gotten around to it.

6) Excercise everyday. I'm going to need to with all the cooking I'll be doing!

7) Graduate college and get a job. This is on my life list, period.

8) Get a tattoo. I've been dying to do this since I turned 18, just haven't had the balls...

9) Take a trip to Canada. I have family up there I haven't seen in ages.

10) Take a trip somewhere alone. I've never gone anywhere alone.

11) Spa Day! I got a gift certificate last Christmas and I have yet to use it.

12) Read 20 classic books I haven't read. I started Oliver Twist ages ago...I just didn't get past page 10.

13) See 20 movies in theaters. This might be another alone thing too. I've never done that either...

14) See as many plays and musicals as possible. Velle hates them. My mom loves them.

How can you hate this???

15) Go out with friends I haven't seen/talked to in awhile.

16) Save 1000 dollars before his return.

17) Send as many care packages as possible. Possibly some samples from my new cooking skills??

18) Learn the art of extreme couponing. You have no idea how long I've wanted to be able to do that.

19) Make a scrapbook. I've always wanted to do this. I just don't know what the theme will be yet.

20) Have fun.

That last one is super important.

The last thing he said to me before he walked away was "Remember to have fun." I know he's worried about me...that I'll sit around the whole year just waiting for him to walk through the front door. Because, I am a home-body. When faced with the crushing dilemma of going to a bar or staying home and watching a movie, home always wins. And I know he's worried I'll be sad the whole time. I'm worried about this too.

But he told me to have fun. Gotta follow orders right?

Control Freak

{ }
Velle's plane was supposed to leave this morning for Mississippi, however it got cancelled. So now he's actually leaving at 5 pm. He's at his best friend's house right now...he never told him he was going since we found out the other day.  His plan was to call him, but now he can tell him in person. (Their relationship is soo unnatural, but that's another story.)

JD & Turk = My Boyfriend & his Best Friend

I think, for me, the worst part about all of this is a loss of control. I'm a total control freak.

When I say control freak, I mean FREAK. Anything that goes on in my life that I don't enjoy the slightest bit, I lose it. I turn everything around a million times trying to find a way to fix it the way I would like it.  For example, I work as a receptionist. I work until 3 pm and then there's a girl who comes in at night. She loves to re-organize things and she is always moving things around on my desk. I hate this. It drives me crazy. I have things a certain way on my desk because that's the way I like it. I will literally spend 20 minutes in the morning moving everything back to where it was, even if I know that I'm going to use those things and can move them back when I'm done with them. I just can't sit down until it's right.

Now, this may sound a little obsessive-compulsive. Which I guess I have a little of that too. But this is mild. Velle and I have gotten into numerous fights over things like him not doing things exactly the way I want it done. Driving a different route somewhere then I think is the way we should go. Putting on shorts when I think he should wear pants. It drives him nuts and that's where the fights start, but he loves me.

And it says a lot about how much he loves me for putting up with it.

Love my boy. Always.

So, deployment is a total loss of control for me. He is going to be half way around the world and I can't do a thing about it. I can't be there for him, and I can't protect him. (Not that he needs protecting, I just like taking care of him.) I can't control when he'll call me or email me. I can't control what will happen to him. I can't control where he's going or what he'll be doing.

That's the Army's job.

I guess that's the hardest thing for me to deal with right now.

That and how much I'm going to miss him.

Spoke Too Soon

{ Tuesday, October 11, 2011 }
Well, he's officially leaving in a few days.

Army Wives...It's so sad when they leave...

Knew this would happen that I would finally think "he's not going" anddd he'd get the call to get his stuff ready.

Can't we go back to the other day when he wasn't going anymore? Guess that's the life of an army girlfriend right?

You never know what's going to happen. Ever.

Stressed Out

{ }
So, yea Velle hasn't left. He could leave at any moment though so I'm not completely relieved.I'm here for all those lovely ladies I've spoken to who are totally missing their guys right now!!

Basically, he's not working right now. His orders on base were cancelled and no civillian job...so he's been sitting around, playing video games and sleeping until 3 in the afternoon.  We're struggling a little bit on my tiny one paycheck right now. Completely sucksss.

So, I'm supposed to graduate in December...which I've been working really hard trying to find a job that pays at least twice what I'm getting paid now. And the school decided to call and tell me I'm one credit short. ONE CREDIT. Are you kidding? It's some Ged Ed Requirement I'm one credit short in...I have way more credits that I need to graduate overall. I had to appeal it and I'm just waiting to hear back. Since, you know yesterday they were closed and stuff.

Argh. Work, school, bills, everything. Just piling up. I need a serious vacation.


{ Tuesday, September 20, 2011 }
So I changed the name of my blog. Things got crazy today after my last post. He got a phone call... They aren't sure if he's going anymore. Paperwork, budgets, etc made it hard for them to say for sure if he's still deploying. They won't know for a few days. The emotional rollercoaster this has turned out to be is super intense. He could be going any day and we probably won't know until a couple days or the day before. Or he's not going at all. He's super disappointed. I feel bad but I am a little happy I at least get a few more days with him.

I was looking forward to getting a chance to be completely independent. I was looking forward to our reuniting after he got home. I feel like it would be like right after we started dating. This is crazyyy. Ugh. Hope we find out soon.

Two Days...

{ }
Ugh. He leaves on Thursdayyyy.

How did we get here?? Where did the time go?? And jeezzz, we have a ton to do still. I have class tonight and work tomorrow and I don't want to go. For a ton of reasons. I wanna be here every second he has left at home. I also need a minute to take care of all the things we have to do. He's literally no help sometimes. Picked up his nephew from preschool early today so we're watching Spongebob. While, my incredibly annoying boyfriend is passed out on the couch. Helloooooooo, you have packing. You have phone calls. You have a million things to do. Wake up!

I can't be mad at him though. And I can't bring myself to wake him up either. I just don't want to waste time nagging him. Plus, nagging never helps. Just makes people mad at each other.

Our apartment is a total disaster. But that's my project for Thursday after he leaves to keep myself busy. We still don't know what time he's leaving though.

I'm excited for tomorrow because we have date plans. But I'm dreading it too because it's my last full day with him before he leaves.

Ughh. The emotional turmoil is like, too much. I'm so in and out of life right now... it's crazy.

Errands and Fun

{ Saturday, September 17, 2011 }
It's his last weekend home. It's pretty bittersweet. I took today off work so we could spend time together all weekend. Except he's still asleep...I just don't want to wake him up.

We have so much to do! Tons of errands to run. Laundry. Packing. And I have homework out the wahzoooo.

We also have plans to go sailing with my parents tomorrow. And probably do dinner or something with his sister and her kids.

And all the while, I'm going to try and forget that this is his last weekend home. It'll be a challenge. I'm going to enjoy myself no matter what.

Just a small challenge leading me to the hardest one of all.


{ Monday, September 12, 2011 }
Disbelief is such a funny feeling.

I wake up in the middle of the night and look over at my boyfriend and I'm in such a state of disbelief. I can't believe he's going...for a year.

It's so weird thinking about the future. Things like getting married, having children, starting your dream career...they are so easy to see yourself doing. It's so easy to look forward to those things. You can literally see yourself buying a dress, having your first ultrasound, going to work.

But when you know something is about to happen in the future you don't really like, that you don't look forward to, it's weird to think about. You find yourself wondering what it'll be like. You worry. But you can't SEE it.

I literally have done this almost every night since we found out. I wake up in such a state of shock, I can't breathe. I reach for him and want to cry. A million thoughts go running through my brain. Worries, questions.

Getting ready to miss him is so funny too. I all ready miss him. Thinking about it, I just wish we could literally spend the next ten days with each other, and only each other, 24/7. I wish I could be with him for the next year 24/7.

Life is funny.

T-minus Two Weeks

{ Friday, September 9, 2011 }
It's been pretty wild lately. We've been getting a long a lot better, but I feel like he's a little off. He doesn't really seem like his normal self. But I think he's really coming to terms about it. I think both of us really thought that because he was in school (and for a lot of other reasons) he was never going to be deployed. As my father put it "It's his turn, he's escaped it for so long...His number just came up."

Guess that's fair, right?

Over the weekend, I met my friend's new boyfriend who just came home from Afghanistan two months ago. Poor guy was a tanker, and since there are no tanks there, he was put into infantry. I could just tell as he was talking to Velle that he was definately a little messed up about his deployment.

"I'm never going back."

"Make sure you're not going to 'such and such' because it's awful there."

"I'm sure you'll be fine."

That last one was dripping with sarcasm and it really annoyed me. Either say that with confidence, or don't say it all. (At least not in front of me.)

This guy also tried to start a fight with some guys at this party my friend was having. I'm not sure if that was the way he was before he left because I didn't know him. But still.

I just keep thinking about how much Velle might change and that's the scariest thing to me.

A Scary, Then Exciting Moment

{ Friday, September 2, 2011 }
So today was a wild trip.

I came home from work to an empty apartment and, a few minutes later, a text from Velle saying he was at his sister's, doing laundry.

"I have to leave tomorrow".

Tears. Lots of tears. I wrote back "What?" His reply: "My sergeant called to pack for 30 days." "What?" That's all I could say. I kept thinking: How could they do this? It's labor day weekend. How can they do this to me? He can't leave yet. I have so much time left. We've argued so much the last few days. I feel awful. He can't go tomorrow.

He never answered, so I freaked a little and rushed over to his sisters. When I got there, he was sitting on the porch. "I have to go to Vermont. They are in a state-of-emergency. My orders got cancelled."

Joy! He doesn't have to go to Afghanistan!! Just Vermont for a month. I'll take it!

Just then his sergeant called again. Turns out it was a huge mixup. His sergeant completely forgot he was supposed to be leaving (he's going with another unit) and thought that my boyfriend meant his orders on the base...those were cancelled.

His sister said to call him back and say we'd rather Vermont for a month than Afghanistan for a year.

It's so true. I would take him leaving tomorrow for a month...instead of leaving in a month for a year. I was so excited. But everything's back to the way it was this morning.

But I know better now. I'm going to stop fighting. I totally realized just how little time we have and how we should be spending it in love and happy with each other.

I love him so much. I'm going to miss him even more.

To the ladies.

{ Wednesday, August 31, 2011 }
He leaves in a month...and we've been arguing a lot!! Was this normal for all you ladies? Or should I be worried??

I'm really worried.

Sorry I haven't written in awhile...this would be the reason why.

How It Went

{ Thursday, August 25, 2011 }
So Velle just left for his SRP, Soldier Readiness Processing. He has to go to Columbus. It's not until tomorrow, but Unit's orders: he's to stay in a hotel tonight. I'm not even thinking they will say he's not deployable. He's strong and healthy, however he's blind as a bat. And forgot his glasses.

I'm lonely in this apartment alone. (Better get used to it.)

I just decided to take a minute tonight and describe how I found out.

That night his sergeant called and asked to meet him. He needed to gas to get to base the next day, but something went wrong with his pay and he was broke. His sergeant volunteered to put some gas in his car.

He was gone almost an hour. I got a little worried but figured he must have stopped over at his sisters who lives right by the gas station down the street from us. He walked in and right away started pouring me a glass of wine. "Drink." I asked what was wrong and he didn't answer, instead grabbed himself a bottle of beer. He sat down, took a swig, then stared at me. "What's wrong?" I seriously felt sick because I had no idea what he was about to tell me. I imagined fires, deaths, the end of the world, etc. "Why does something have to be wrong? Just drink." I gulped it down and as I finished, he blurted out "I'm being deployed".

I wanted so badly for it to be a joke. He has a cruel sense of humor. But he'll do anything to make me laugh. Sometimes he goes to far, which is the cruel part. But I could tell by the look on his face it was true. We then rode down the street to his sisters to tell her and his neices and nephews. So many tears.

Today, it was rough. I got into an arguement with his sister (we work together). It just hurt to know that someone who should really know what I'm going through, at least a little bit, would be so harsh toward me. She said some hurtful things. I really hope that after he leaves, she won't do it again. I'll be too fragile to hear stuff like that. It almost tore me to pieces today.

I also decided I'm going to teach myself how to cook while he's gone.

I'm a terrible cook. Burning things, mixing up the salt and the sugar, etc. But he is wildly obssessed with Rachel Ray. So, I decided that while he's gone I'll learn to cook as much as I can so he can come home to a hot meal every night. Especially his first night home. I think he'll like it.


{ Tuesday, August 23, 2011 }
I found a great blog, where she put together a list of tons of blogs that are all Military Spouses. I'm not exactly a spouse, but I'm pretty close and dealing with the same things as them. I can't for the life of me get the button to post on my blog though!! (Help??) I even tried posting it in this post and all that shows up is a little white box.

I can't wait to read other women's blogs and learning some new things to help me through this. I also hope that these other women will read mine and support me through this rough time.

It's Kinda Getting Easier

{ Saturday, August 20, 2011 }
I'm not crying as much. I don't know if I could cry anymore though. I know I will be when he leaves. But for now, I'm staying strong. Especially for him. He doesn't need to worry about me while he's gone.

Last night we went to the Browns game then over to a friends. It was nice. Pretty relaxing. We talked a little bit about what was going to happen while he was gone. What he'll be eating over there. What he wants to eat a lot of while he's home. (Chipotle, duh.) He's going to help me out with money. I'm starting to feel way better about this. He's a mechanic and they don't leave base much, if at all, so he'll be as safe as possible. He's getting a laptop to skype with me and an international plan for his phone.


I just think about how long a year is...and it's too much for me. Our anniversary is tomorrow, and we'll be spending the whole third year of our relationship apart. It might go by fast (I can't believe it's almost September) but while I'm waiting for the year to be over, it will seem like forever.

I gotta go to work. And Velle is passed out, asleep. I'm going to miss having him to come home to.

Found out Date

{ Friday, August 19, 2011 }
Last night he told me he would be deployed in September. I'm feeling pretty down but I'm putting a good face on for him. He's been quiet. I hope he's dealing with it ok. Work today then we're going to the Browns game. I need to relax and have a couple beers.

More later.

Post #1

{ Thursday, August 18, 2011 }
So I'm starting this blog because I just found out my boyfriend will be deployed to Afghanistan. I'm using it as a way to deal with my emotions and hopefully help other Army wives and girlfriends with an upcoming deployment. I did a lot of internet searching and there are a lot of websites with tips, etc but nothing really written from the heart of a woman dealing with her emotions and the events of deployment. I was really hoping to find a site that was just blogs for military significant others, but I have yet to find one. (Any suggestions?)

My boyfriend Velle and I have been dating for two years a week from Saturday. We've known each other since we were 10 and met in school. We've been good friends ever since high school and things sort of just progressed to a relationship. We became official once he returned from Basic and AIT.  He's in the reserves and recently found out he is being transferred to another unit that is currently in training for their deployment. Which pretty much means he can be leaving any day now. Details are pretty shaky at the moment since he was to meet with his Sergeant and Colonel today to learn more.

I'm just sitting here waiting for him to come home. Good news would be nice.