Bye Again, Soldier

{ Sunday, November 27, 2011 }
He left yesterday.

We had a wonderful leave together. I stayed positive the whole time and completely ignored the fact that he was leaving again. Well, except on Thanksgiving. ALL my parents wanted to talk about was what he would be doing over there, how long he'd be there, when he was leaving. Stuff I didn't want to talk about or hear. I teared up a little bit when my mom gave him a huge hug and said "Be Safe."

But yesterday morning, I woke up in tears. He packed up his stuff and I kept sneaking away to cry. He said, "Don't do that. Nine months will fly by."

"I hate when people say that. All everyone says is time will fly by. 'It'll be over before you know it.' They have no idea how the last month and a half has seemed like forever to me." He just squeezed my hand.

He flew out of Columbus, so we had to drive 2 hours. In the car I started crying again. "Cheer up, baby."

"I don't know how you expect me to do that."

"I know. I'm not happy either."

We listened to Andy Samberg on his new Zune. Which did cheer me up a bit. We laughed. Held hands and smiled at each other a lot. But mostly we were quiet. At the airport, quick like a bandaid. Hug. Kiss. Bye... Again...

My ride home was awful. I tried to listen to upbeat music but every once in awhile my iPod played an evil trick by playing a heartbreaking song.

I felt bad. I had plans with my sister who was only home for a few days. But I texted her when I got home. I felt too depressed and sick to my stomach to go anywhere. I spent last night under the blanket, watching Friends to cheer myself up. Everytime I layed down in bed I started crying. It was so empty. So lonely. Up to the couch again to watch some more Friends. I didn't actually fall asleep til very early this morning.

This is just so much more rough than it was before. When he left the first time, I knew he was going to Mississippi for awhile. That we would talk a lot. Which we did. But now it's different. It's so much more real now that he's going. He actually goes overseas in about a week. And this week they are in field training. Which pretty much means no communication until he's over there. Possibly one call before he goes. But I don't know for sure. And it's killing me.

I'm so depressed. I feel like someone punched me in the stomach and I can't seem to catch my breath. I'm so incredibly proud of my soldier. I tell everyone how wonderful he is. But I'm angry and I feel hopeless. It's definately real now. I definately can't fight it anymore and pretend it's not happening. And now I'm falling...and it's so scary.

Nothing going on in school until finals in two weeks. So, I've been researching more ways to keep myself busy. I'm thinking about keeping a Gratitude journal. It seems like a good idea. I feel like if I had one of those to read now I wouldn't feel so lost. I'm also thinking about starting on his first care package. That should keep me busy for awhile.

They are still trying to decide if they will be getting an R&R or not. Nine months is a short deployment, so the thinking is they might not get one. But I hope we find out soon. It will give me something to look forward to and count down to... closer than September. I just can't wait until he's home. I just keep dreaming about a "V-J Day in Times Square" moment.

Pure Excitement

{ Sunday, November 20, 2011 }
So my boy will be home on Tuesday for his leave... I'm going nuts. I've been trying to stay extra busy this weekend so I don't just sit around all antsy. Use my extra energy in productive ways. So I made some progress on OPERATION: KEEP BUSY. But first, I got my boyfriend's Christmas present together. He goes overseas on the 5th, so when I finally get an address and send it over it won't make it in time. So instead I'm giving him his gift while he's home.

First I bought him a Zune mp3 player. His 100000000 year old iPod finally died...about two days after he got to Mississippi. He had told me he wanted a Zune instead since it's cheaper to put music on. I got him a 16 GB one with a 30 hour battery life. Should be great for him with the long plane ride over.

I got him a OSU blanket to keep him warm. That he won't get until Thanksgiving Day since my sister is bringing it home with her (she's goes to OSU and works at the Buckeye I got a great deal!) It's super warm and soft I guess. So he'll definately make some good use of it.


My favorite part. I also got him a small picture frame with a picture of us in it: the same picture we have in our living room. Us at a Cavs game, his Christmas present from 2 year ago. It's nothing special, plastic so it won't break. And I put a little note in the back as a reminder that I will always love him.

Aren't we cute?

So Friday I went and saw Breaking Dawn with my mom. Scratch one movie off the list of 20. I'm totally obsessed with the books and can't help but love the movies (except Twilight...we have a love-hate relationship). Of course, I loved it. But there was the scene (spoiler alert) with the wolves that bugged me. I felt like I was watching a kid movie with them talking to each other. But, it happened in the books and I guess they tried their best to stay as close to the book as possible.

Next thing I worked on knocking off my list was decorating the apartment. I got some frames for some pictures of us and friends. And I've had these ones for the bathroom for about...I don't know...forever. And I put them up also. I have some art and stuff I want to hang too. And some curtains, but I never got around to it with all the homework and cleaning I had to do also. But I'm proud of my work of art in the bathroom.

Anyway, kept busy. Now I just have to make it through tomorrow and part of  Tuesday. They'll be the slowest days of my far anyway.

So toodles Blogger! I'll see you at the end of the week.

A Chance To Know Me Better...

{ Wednesday, November 16, 2011 }
I swear I am the biggest nerd in the world/bored out of my mind.
All About Yourself:

First name: Melissa
Middle name: Grace
Like your name? Yes I've always liked it.
Named after anyone? Melissa - An Allman Brother's song Grace - My Great Grandmother's name.
Any nicknames? Mel, Melly, and my boyfriend calls me Sweetness :-)
Age: 23
Birthdate: August 12, 1988
Birthplace: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
Time you were born: Like afternoon-ish
Current location: My apartment on the couch
Height: 5'7''
Like your height? Yes I love being tall.
Eye color: Blue
Contacts/glasses? I wear glasses to read.
Hair color: Strawberry blonde.
Natural hair color: Strawberry blonde
Dye your hair often? Never have. Never will.
Righty or lefty? Righty...but I shoot, golf, bat left handed.

Your Favorite:

Type of music: I like all music. I haven't found anything I don't like yet!
Band or singer: That's a hard one.
TV show: Friends has always been my favorite and probably still is even though it's not on the air anymore.
Movie: Liar Liar, Talladega Nights, Dirty Dancing
TV channel: TLC, Disney, Adult Swim
Radio station: Pandora? haha.
Place to be: With my boy, where ever that may be.
Thing to do: Relax with a glass of wine whether alone or with friends.
Food: My mom's mac & cheese
Non alcoholic drink: Dr. Pepper...totally addicted.
Alcoholic drink: A nice blush or a bottle of Bud light.
Animal: Dog
Holiday: Christmas
Season: Summer!
Sport: Ice Hockey or Football
Place to shop: Express
Clothing brand: Express or Victoria Secret
Scent: My boyfriend's cologne.
Restaurant: Red Robin or Applebee's
Fruit: Orange
Vegetable: Tomato
Fast food restaurant: Arby's
Pizza topping: Pepperoni
Ice cream flavor: Cookie Dough
Magazine: Cosmo
City: Toronto
Color: Blue
Number: 18
This Or That?

Chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate
Pepsi or coke?  Coke
Hot or cold? Hot
Black or white? Black
Dog or cat? Dog
French toast or pancakes? French toast
French fries or onion rings? French fries
Hamburger or hot dog? Hamburger
Pepperoni or sausage? Pepperoni
McDonalds or Burger King? McDonalds
Canada or Mexico? I was born in Canada, but Mexico is both
Movies or TV? Movies
Truth or dare? Dare!

Do You?

Shower daily? At least every other day
Sing in the shower? Yes
Like to sing? Yes
Like to dance? Yes
Smoke? Yes
Drink? Yes
Cuss? Like a sailor
Talk to yourself? When I'm angry or stressed
Believe in yourself? Yes
Play an instrument? Little piane, little guitar
Go to school? For only 3 more weeks!
Go to college? Yes...I can't believe I'm almost done!
Have a job? Yes
Like your job? Some days
Want to get married? YES :-)
Want to have kids? Yes
Get along with your parents? Yes
Get along with your siblings? Yes


Do you think you're trustworthy? Trust is very important to me
Think your funny? I'm hysterical
Ever toilet papered someones house? Nope
Gone garbage can tipping? Does backing your car into a garbage can count?
What are your parents names? Rick & Sue
Siblings names? Jessica...The other Allman Brother's song
Do you wash your hands frequently? Constantly washing my hands...
Collect anything? Shoes
Ever been in love? Yes :-)
In love right now? YES :-)
What color pants are you wearing right now? Yellow shorts
How does your hair look? Ponytail
Ever had your heartbroken? Yes, unfortunately.
Ever broken the law? Speeding haha
Been arrested? Nope
Been out of the country?: I was born out of the country!
When was the last time you got drunk? Ages ago
Do you do drugs? Noooooo
Would you ever get plastic surgery? No. I'm perfect :-)
Do you prefer boxers or briefs? Both can be sexy haha
Do you like to laugh? It's the best medicin
Have you ever caught a fish? Yes I have!
What was the last thing you ate? Starburst
What time do you go to bed? 11 usually
Do you like to give or recieve? Give
Do you live alone? At the moment yea since boyfriend's away
Do you own a toaster? As random as this is...we don't have one. We don't have the counter space!
Do you like the snow? Yes when I'm not driving in it.
Do you like surprises? I love them :-)

Some Religion Talk...I Guess

{ Monday, November 14, 2011 }
Disclaimer: I may offend some people with this post. I'm just expressing my opinion about everything and I'm sorry ahead of time. I do NOT want to offend anyone or make anyone upset. Just a little rant and rave I have to get off my chest.

Me, Uncle Andrew, Aunt Hanan, and my sister Jessica on their wedding day
 So I just was watching All American Muslim on TLC. And this episode was about an Irish Catholic man marrying a Muslim woman. I felt a deep connection to this episode because a few years ago my uncle  Andrew married the love of his life, Hanan, a Muslim. The wedding on television was very much like my aunt and uncle's wedding with the belly dancing, etc. (It should be noted that my family is Irish Protestant, not Catholic and there are many differences between the two...however, there are, of course, similarities.)

Anyway, the man in this episode decided to convert to Islam in order to get married. This was funny to me. My uncle never converted. In fact, my aunt and my uncle are not very religious. Both extended families aren't very religious either (Hanan's sister is a model for goodness sake). There were of course, members of Hanan's family that were offended by their marriage but had made their peace with it. They didn't get married in a church for either religion, but a hotel.

As I watched the episode the parents were having fits about the conversion. The woman's family were obsessed with the idea that he HAD to convert to marry their daughter and the man's family was very depressed that he had chose to convert.

The sister of the bride asked the mother "What would you say if I told you I wanted to be a nun?" The mother answered, "I would be very depressed if you chose to convert."

Now someone please explain this to me.

I don't have children, but I know all parents want their children to live a certain way. They have expectations and dreams for their child. But isn't their happiness the most important? The mother of the groom said she wanted her son to be happy but was crying over him converting and she chose not to be there when he converted.

Like I said, my family isn't very religious. I was baptized as a baby, but other than that it wasn't expected for us to attend church or take Sunday School or anything like that. My parents also made it absolutely clear that whatever we believed in was our choice to make.

Who you pray to should be your choice.

So, why all the hub-ba-lub over your child converting? I can't imagine someone changing what he believes over night, that's kinda funny to me. But shouldn't you respect your child's beliefs? Shouldn't you respect the fact that your child is making a lifestyle choice for themselves and, in theory, no one else. I mean, after all, don't we all raise our children to be independent and to make their own choices?

If I had grown up in a religious household, I probably would have given up on my faith a long time ago. I have some cobwebs in my hypothetical closet that everyday made me question if there really was "a higher being". Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. To be honest, that is not at all what GOD should be about. I would think if there was a "God" he would have some control over the fact that his priests molest children everyday. I mean they do it IN churches. Wouldn't God be like, "Ohh hell to the no!" and flick their awful little heads off?

Monty Python... God's hand: FLICK!

I don't know. I don't understand faith either. I don't know how people explain these awful things that happen to innocent people and still love their god unconditionally. It's a complete fascination of mine.

Do not get me wrong. I will be the most understanding of anyone and what they believe. That was just my opinion. I will never judge anyone for being Jewish, Catholic, or Muslim. (I don't judge anyone period, I mean, my boyfriend is African-American and I wouldn't love him any more if he was white.) I respect everyone and their beliefs and what makes them happy. Which is why I find it so hard for a parent to not do so with their own child.

I just hope that one day people would be much more understanding of each other. I hope that one day, war won't break out over religion. I hope that one day the world will just be a better place to live in period.

That's my religion, I guess. Hoping for a better world and doing my part in making it so.


{ Thursday, November 10, 2011 }
Boyfriend is coming home for Thanksgiving for FOUR WHOLE DAYS! I'm beyond excited. It's a little leave before he goes overseas. I'm incredibly happy it will be over Thanksgiving. He'll fly home on the Tuesday before and have to go back on Saturday. I had to take a vacation day to have Wednesday off (I can't take Friday off, that's Christmas decorating day...I'm sort of like in charge of it or whatever...) but it's TOTALLY worth spending two whole days just us.

So 12 days until I see him!

Then you know however long it's going to be until R&R. (There's some talk they might not get one since they'll only be overseas for 9 months...I hope not) Four days is better than nothing.

And I'm super excited. :-)

The flowers fully bloomed

It's Been Awhile...

{ Saturday, November 5, 2011 }
Oh Jeez! It's been a week and a half since my last post! Life has just been pretty crazyyyy.

Well lets see. Halloween weekend I went with some friends to the House of Blues downtown. It was a pretty crazy Halloween party going on. And we got in for free since my one friend from work used to work there. They were staying in a hotel...and Velle was very uncormfortable with that. Which I totally get. So I went there beforehand and got some pictures. I couldn't really drink because I had to drive home. But I still had fun (Ohhh yea To Do List!)   Some pictures...

Me and Kayla :)


So then Sunday night I went with my best friend and her daughter (my gorgeous god daughter) trick-or-treating.

The most gorgeous 3 year old on planet Earth.


Then Monday was Halloween. And of course that meant dressing up at work. The theme was movie characters. And everyone went all out. We have a costume contest...first place got $100. I didn't win but the people who won did a really good job. (Plus I won last year so I don't think they would have picked me anyway)

We were Jay and Silent Bob :)

My friend Mary Beth as Ace Ventura.

Monday was also The End Of The Month. Which equals death at work. We pretty much have to get all our work done for the month on the last day. The sales people try to wrap up their deals so it ends up on their commission check for the month. It's just pure CRAZINESS. So I was at work until 8 pm... dressed like a dude.

Then the whole week just sort of blew by. It felt like I looked up and it was Friday.

What's been nice is that my boyfriend and I have been talking a lot this past week. We've talked about our plans, our fears, our relationship. Everything. I feel like everything that was left unsaid before he left is being said now. Mostly because he's probably more comfortable saying things over the phone than in person. But either way.

And I can tell that he sees just how much he misses me and therefore loves me.

Example. The flowers I got yesterday "Just because I miss you" (Note: He signed the card SPC Gray. I think he needs a break from the base haha)

I can't wait until the buds bloom. They're lillies. It's all ready looking nice today. But I'll post a picture once everything is fully bloomed.

It was the sweetest thing in the world though. It just makes me realize how lucky I am. My boyfriend is hundred of miles away from me and he still treats me like his queen. He can't do it in person, but he can surely do it far away in a different way.

How did I become the luckiest girl in the world?

That being said. I had a very rough day today. He found out his mission yesterday and he told me he's nervous. Which completely broke my heart. If he's nervous...I should be too. I want so badly for him to just stay on base 24/7. But of course I'm kidding myself. But he's been completely reassuring and wonderful to me, so I'm going to do the same for him.

But life's been good. I miss him more everyday and even though I have rough days, I'm doing it and super proud of myself for it too.