Playing Catch Up

{ Monday, March 5, 2012 }
I haven't blogged in awhile. And I haven't really talked about what's going on with me... mostly because it's a whole bunch of nothing. I'm working constantly around 50 plus hours a week. And therefore, I'm not doing anything when I'm home besides relaxing, talking to Velle, etc.

I'm having some difficulty dealing with my friends here at home. They all seem to think I should be normal. I've been working a lot to keep myself busy, but it means I'm lazy the rest of the day. That being said, they also seem to think since he's been gone so long I won't be upset about it anymore. But it couldn't be further from the truth. I have moments of complete clarity and normalcy. There are other moments where I want nothing more than to go back to bed.

The problem with civilian friends as much as they want to be there for you. They can't. Not in the right ways. They don't understand why you want to put off a movie because a last minute Skype date. Why on earth you carry your phone everywhere and want it to be fully charged no matter what. They don't get why sometimes you burst into tears at the silly stuff. They try to be sympathetic..."I would be really sad too...Are you ok?...Do you need anything, anything at all?"

But they can't really know what it's like. I feel bad for my friends because I feel like they are trying to understand, but they also bug me. My one friend and I recently got into a little disagreement because after not hearing from my boy for a week he contacted me an hour before I was supposed to go over to her house and wanted to Skype. She told me it was a stupid excuse to blow her off. It really hurt my feelings because she completely did not get it. But then again, I can feel understand why she felt ditched.

It's complicated. I'm just in need of a close military spouse friend who can relate. And I need to find some balance between this crazy Army life and my civilian one too.


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