Disbelief

Disbelief is such a funny feeling.

I wake up in the middle of the night and look over at my boyfriend and I'm in such a state of disbelief. I can't believe he's going...for a year.

It's so weird thinking about the future. Things like getting married, having children, starting your dream career...they are so easy to see yourself doing. It's so easy to look forward to those things. You can literally see yourself buying a dress, having your first ultrasound, going to work.

But when you know something is about to happen in the future you don't really like, that you don't look forward to, it's weird to think about. You find yourself wondering what it'll be like. You worry. But you can't SEE it.

I literally have done this almost every night since we found out. I wake up in such a state of shock, I can't breathe. I reach for him and want to cry. A million thoughts go running through my brain. Worries, questions.

Getting ready to miss him is so funny too. I all ready miss him. Thinking about it, I just wish we could literally spend the next ten days with each other, and only each other, 24/7. I wish I could be with him for the next year 24/7.

Life is funny.