Control Freak

Velle's plane was supposed to leave this morning for Mississippi, however it got cancelled. So now he's actually leaving at 5 pm. He's at his best friend's house right now...he never told him he was going since we found out the other day.  His plan was to call him, but now he can tell him in person. (Their relationship is soo unnatural, but that's another story.)

JD & Turk = My Boyfriend & his Best Friend

I think, for me, the worst part about all of this is a loss of control. I'm a total control freak.

When I say control freak, I mean FREAK. Anything that goes on in my life that I don't enjoy the slightest bit, I lose it. I turn everything around a million times trying to find a way to fix it the way I would like it.  For example, I work as a receptionist. I work until 3 pm and then there's a girl who comes in at night. She loves to re-organize things and she is always moving things around on my desk. I hate this. It drives me crazy. I have things a certain way on my desk because that's the way I like it. I will literally spend 20 minutes in the morning moving everything back to where it was, even if I know that I'm going to use those things and can move them back when I'm done with them. I just can't sit down until it's right.

Now, this may sound a little obsessive-compulsive. Which I guess I have a little of that too. But this is mild. Velle and I have gotten into numerous fights over things like him not doing things exactly the way I want it done. Driving a different route somewhere then I think is the way we should go. Putting on shorts when I think he should wear pants. It drives him nuts and that's where the fights start, but he loves me.

And it says a lot about how much he loves me for putting up with it.

Love my boy. Always.

So, deployment is a total loss of control for me. He is going to be half way around the world and I can't do a thing about it. I can't be there for him, and I can't protect him. (Not that he needs protecting, I just like taking care of him.) I can't control when he'll call me or email me. I can't control what will happen to him. I can't control where he's going or what he'll be doing.

That's the Army's job.

I guess that's the hardest thing for me to deal with right now.

That and how much I'm going to miss him.